Crossing the finish line of the Deschutes Dash Sprint Triathlon this Sunday, I was just beaming. First woman to complete the race. I was stoked. I did just what I came to do. My big, silly grin, stayed put for nearly an hour. But by the time I arrived back at the hotel to pack up and rinse off before the awards ceremony things had changed. Standing in the bathroom, all of a sudden, for no damn reason, I started to cry. "That swim was terrible, I should have ridden faster, and that run…awful!" What happened next was simply disturbing. Run the tape. "Ugh, you're getting old! What are you doing with your life!? You're really just a hot mess, Remy. Hot mess." Notice, the switch of the tenses. It's like some crazy lady is yelling at me. I really can't stand her. And sometimes she just won't leave me alone.
Working as a nutrition councelor and coach, especially with other women, I've seen and heard this mean girl before. From where this devil spawned I have no idea, but, putting her out of her misery is my biggest mission. My guess is, without that toxic voice hanging around, the world would be a nicer place and a lot more good would get done. In fact, I think I might even be a better athlete without that nag slowing me down. Actually, I'm certain.
Sure, a little self-awareness and criticism can push us to improve. When it gets nasty and negative it's doing us nothing but harm. There's no need for that kind of shit-talk.
The Huffington Post published this gem: 9 Ways to Silence Your Inner Critic.
Some good stuff here. The pressure to turn bad thoughts into goods ones seems so daunting sometimes. It's just too much. But packing them up, imagining saying them to anyone else (yikes!) and naming the broad, Dumb Bitch, really could help.